Man Found Alive, Breathing

The wonder of new friends with humor in their bones….

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vectorstock_1122337Medical personnel at a Starbucks site in Northampton found a man alive and breathing. The victim was pulled from the crowded line and revived after he allegedly smelled coffee.

Starbucks Store Manager Julie Sandos was nonplussed. “It smells like a Starbucks. What did he expect? Starbucks is Starbucks.”

Northampton authorities working with the EPA and the Fire Department ascertained that the shop was well below the maximum allowable Coffee to Oxygen levels, or COUGH ratio set by Starbucks voluntarily after Congress neglected to act due to the spread of lobbyists with Mocha Beverage Coupons. Calls to Starbucks Corporate Headquarters went unanswered. At press time, a voice mail said they were out for coffee.

Minutes before the incident, witnesses testified that the man, whose name was being withheld, appeared to be inhaling on the corner of Main and Sixth, just one block North of Starbucks. Police investigators standing on the same corner…

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